I abandoned my writing practice in July. I didn’t realize it until just now when I opened a Word document. Not a word was penned, unless we count the work emails, birthday card invitations, and grocery lists.
So, hi again. Been a minute since I’ve been here.
Life is good, but very hard these days. Travis and I are growing in our marriage and Forrest is growing too. We feel the pain that comes with expansion, but keep our eyes fixed on the joy that is already ours and will be after this season. In many ways, we have been in a season of rebuilding our home as we learn what it means to be a team as we disciple and parent our little Forrest together.
Related, but also not related, our church is seeking a long-term home. The Lord has been so kind to allow our family’s need to mirror the church’s need in a miraculous season of casting vision to the tenth generation and then trusting God to come through for us.
Our hearts softened to the idea of starting a family when the church began preparing for a long-term home search two years ago. Now we find ourselves in the position of living miracle as we look at our growing family, our few “loaves and fishes,” and ask Him to multiply it in a way that only He can. We are with the church on this. Our heart is for Nashville, and we seek His provision as we trust that He’ll allow us to stay here.
And then there’s the normal stuff, like making 2 emergency (and expensive) visits to the vet for our cat and living in a game of life-sized Tetris as we attempt to rehome our old couch. I was too impatient to wait to unbox the new modular couch.
Throughout it all, we have felt a sense that our family is on the cusp of something good and different this year. We felt it back in the winter and still believe it now in our mid-summer days.
We stand in the middle of chaos, yet we stand at peace. We feel present and held in this place, because we know that sometimes God allows you to be brought low so that you can forge a new path in courage – one that you wouldn’t have chosen if allowed to stay in your comfort zone.
I remember that God refines those He loves. I see this season of painful growth and unforeseen challenges as a gift from Him.
We have a mantra at church, borrowed from A.W. Tozer, “God or total collapse.” In His grace, God is allowing us to live in such a moment. We are smaller and weaker than ever, but the strength of Christ is upholding us. He is allowing us the gift of a ground-zero moment so that we can rebuild from the foundation up.
So yes, these are good, but very hard days. Thanks be to God.