The bad news is not everyone who hurts you will apologize.
Some might not even know they’ve hurt you. They might not realize how the word they spoke or the look they cast on you made your belly drop.
Others might know they’ve hurt you, but don’t care to make it right.
Others might blame you for deserving it.
I was talking with a friend who is going through some hard stuff with a sister. Some unkind words and weird tension in their relationship have tempted to rob my friend of some of the joy of a season she is celebrating.
She’s feasting on the fruit of countless answers prayers lifted to the Father on her behalf. For most of us, it’s beautiful to witness. But for some, her joy has been a place for others to bury bitterness deep into the soil.
Honestly, it sucks that this is the way things are.
It’s disheartening that you could have your arms up in praise, and someone close to you could attempt to shut it down with their words. It is discouraging that someone that you hope would love you unconditionally and graciously could be the last person to celebrate your success.
And on the flip side, I can’t help but feel sorry for the girl who chooses to carry the weight of bitterness.
The good news is you don’t need them to in order to forgive.
You could take that initiative. You don’t need to wait on someone else to give you permission to take a step back and then forward. You don’t need to wait on them to realize the wrong they’ve committed to you before you make a move.
It’s up to you to take a deep breath and keep on going.
As my friend shared some of her story, it was clear: she is overflowing with joy and forgiveness. She had no ill words to speak about her family, and recognized some of the reasons why it might be hard for some to celebrate with her right now. There’s some deep hurt there, but my friend has forgiven. She didn’t wait for her sister to celebrate her to keep loving her.
How can I tell?
By the way she can still speak of her sister with love and kindness, and how she can still view God’s work in her life as purposeful and eager anticipation.
Forgiveness speaks volumes, even if you don’t speak a word about it; it overflows out of you.
I’m gonna tell y’all like I told my kids last week: forgiveness heals your own heart.
I honestly don’t think anyone wants to be in a situation like that. Either side. No one wants to feel bitterness toward the ones they love. No one wants to jump hurdles just to celebrate. No one wants to clam up when “that” person’s name is mentioned.
No one wants to feel their heart land in their stomach over and over and over.
No one wants to harbor anger. Sadness. Hurt.
When we choose to hold onto the wrongs and hurts done to us, it robs us of joy. It hurts our ability to give and receive love. Instead, it bears resentment and anger and hatred. The weight of hatred is heavy and growing; it hinders our ability to run this race with grace.
My heart is too precious to withhold the joy of forgiveness from it.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to let someone else’s mistake or unkindness stop me in the cycle of learning to give and receive love well. I don’t want to trust others to determine how I’m going to live this one life God gave me.
So we take deep breaths and keep it moving.
There’s quite a few ways we can imitate the way of Jesus, wherever we are. Forgiveness is at the top.
People are going to hurt you –
they’re going to forget your name, or ignore you when you speak sometimes. They’re going to ask you for the umpteenth time when you’re going to have a kid, even though you’re sick of answering it. They’re going to make you feel forgotten, unworthy of receiving their full love, undeserving of celebration.
And how you respond will make a difference in your mission field.
You could hold onto those harsh words. You could let them take precedence in your thoughts, simmering and bubbling until every conversation you have is permeated with them. You could stay in that loop of repaying unkindness with more unkindness.
Or you could take a deep breath and let it go.
You could remember the truth of who you are in Christ, and repeat His words over and over to yourself. You could choose to surprise someone with a greeting of love, even when they expect you to meet them otherwise. You could remember that none modeled forgiveness more clearly than Jesus, and just as you have received that gift, you get to pass it on. In a world of immense hurt, you could play a role in stopping the cycle by forgiving.
You could forgive with a breath.
And praise be, because forgiveness settles and brings us back to peace and I’m grateful God made it that way.